Procedure

Today I got a Trifusion Catheter put in and my PICC line take out.  Its like a permanant IV with 3 hookups for my chemo and immunosuppressive therapy.  I had to get platelets first to make sure my counts were up over 50.  I felt drugged all day.  They gave me benadryl and a steroid for the platelet transfusion.  About the time that finally wore off, they gave me Versed and Fentanyl for the catheter placement.  These are 2 sedating medications.  

When we got home after the procedure, I was still feeling tired, so I napped for about 3 hours.  I woke up in a lot of pain.  Mostly in my clavicle area and right arm.  It still hurts pretty bad.  I couldn't hold Kellan for very long, so I hardly got to see or be with him today.  I feel so sad and that this is just a taste of what it is going to be like once I get admitted to the hospital when I won't get to hold him at all.  I am so thankful that Ryan's family is available to take care of him.  I don't know what I would do without them.

Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment after all the tests.  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  I hope that everything comes back ok so that there isn't a delay in getting the transplant.  I did get some good news from my CBC today.  My absolute neutrophil count went up despite not taking any of my Neupogen (the white blood cell stimulator).  On Tuesday it was 790 and today it was 1270.  They would like for it to be over 2000, but 1270 is good enough for me.  I'm sure that this is going to be discussed tomorrow.  My hemoglobin went up from 6.3 to 7.1 but went back down to 6.7 after the transfusion.  Those are still pretty low considering I got a RBC transfusion on Tuesday. 

Ryan got some stuff accomplished today too.  We found out earlier this week that we have to do an "Early Returns" for me.  The only thing I really know about this is that it means the military is going to allow him to ship some of our household goods home, including the crib and my car.  I think that is going to help us out a lot!  He talked to the Chaplain at the command today because he is having trouble with his XO, the 2nd in command at his command.  We understand that it is the XO's job to push his officers, but he is just not being compassionate about our situation at all.  It is really frustrating for both me and Ryan because we have given so much to the military and the one time we need them on our side, they are giving us a hard time. 

I told my sister in law last night that I needed to start opening up more about my feelings in these blogs because it will help me to deal with them.  I want everyone to know that I am trying to be really strong throughout this, not just for me, but for my husband and baby as well.  But I am really, really, really scared.  I get angered really easily when things start to get difficult.  So if I lash out at anyone, I apologize in advance, it is not you I am angry at, it is my illness.  I have accepted the fact that this isn't just a "condition" it is an illness.  I don't want to burden anyone, but I know I have to have help.  If I seem reluctant to take your help, please feel free to make me take your help.  I want it more than anything.  I also don't want to wear everyone down before this even gets started. 

Finally, I haven't gotten much of a response for getting phone numbers for people.  If you aren't up to speed, I lost my phone on Monday and had to get a new one with a new number.  It is in my profile on Facebook.  You can email me at andrya79@hotmail.com if you want mine or want to give me yours.