Hi, it's Ryan again.
Again, Andrya is not feeling well. Today was the most difficult day for her as far as pain and emotions. I don't think her pain was as bad as it was a few days back but I think emotionally she's just worn out and that is making the pain unbearable. She's feeling like her doctors are not listening to her and she just wants her pain to be gone. Headaches and allover aches like you feel when you have the flu are still bugging her. She is somewhat feverish; mildly so all day. Usually in the 99's.
She wants Tylenol for her pain but they won't give it to her because it masks a fever and if she gets a fever then they need to make sure they catch it because it means she may have an infection. That may not seem like a big deal, but remember: she has no immune system right now and even the slightest little germ can potentially get out of control and kill her since she has no natural way of fighting it. Fortunately they've been taking blood cultures to check for infection and tonight, mercifully, they finally gave her Tylenol. Sweetheart is passed out right now.
Nausea reared its ugly head today too. Lots of stomach cramping, and some vomiting too. She didn't eat much, and what she did earlier this morning and afternoon she lost. She finally got down some soup and held it down about 7pm.
But I think what made today one of the worst was depression. I wouldn't say she's actually "depressed"; that may be too strong a word. But she's definitely down in the dumps. She wouldn't get up, wouldn't do her walking, didn't do her breathing machine (which helps fight pneumonia), and didn't shower. And try as we could, neither the nurses (who are all wonderful, compassionate women) nor I could get her to do them. You know Andrya: if she's decided she won't do it, then she WILL NOT DO IT.
Her head just isn't right right now, understandably. She's overly sensitive right now and thinks we're yelling at her or chastising her for not showering. This combined with thinking her needs aren't being met are making her combative in an attempt to make us listen to her. She says she just wants her pain addressed, but I think what she either doesn't understand or won't accept is that this treatment is just painful. She has to dig deep and find the strength, because this won't be easy. Her nurse said the same thing (easy for us to say, right?) and I only tell her because I love her, but our girl Andrya just isn't having it, bless her heart.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. We'll try again with her doctor to get him to change her pain management regimen, and maybe then we can get back to kicking this chemotherapy right in its ass!
Andrya, I know there is no easy road around this. The only way is through it. I cannot say what it would be like to be where you are and I am so sorry that you have to experience this.
ReplyDeleteI can speak for myself, I have faced many places in life where I could not do it on my own or in my own strength. It's ok if you can't. We all have our limit (and you are one tough cookie, by the way)
This past year I have been to 3 funerals of children, seen our best friends divorcee, seen two of my friends lose their parents, and other more personal issues. I have seen those who seek comfort and strength from Jesus in these difficult places have an anchor that holds them steady. It doesn't mean it's easy. Just a higher hope than them self and a place to stand that doesn't shift or change.
I know you haven't been a particularly religious person but consider asking the Lord for strength. I do believe he will hear you and answer your cries for help. I offer this to you because this is the best thing I know to give. Much Love. Anita
Psalm 61:2-4
From the Ends of the earth, I cry to you for help. When my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings.
Hi Andrya & Ryan~
ReplyDeleteMy name is Janet Herron. I know Susie, Joe and Anita from church. Susie shared your story with me several months before Kellan was born so I've been praying diligently for you since that time. Susie has been awesome at keeping me updated so I can target my prayers more effectively for you. Anita posted your blog on facebook the other day and I just finished reading every entry. I really feel like I know have a much greater understanding of your whole situation. Andrya, may I first say that, to me, you sure seem like you are handling all his with nothing short of heroic bravery. I've never met you but I truly admire your fortitude, determination, resilience and strength to walk each step of this path with such grace. (I know you might not always see yourself like that, but those of us looking on see it clearly.) You've tackled a scary thing and you are facing each stage of the healing process without backing down..kudos to you!! Please know that I am regularly praying for you every day. I'm asking for God's mercy to pour out lavishly on you. I'm asking for healing. I'm praying against infection and for complete protection. I'm praying for His peace that surpasses our human understanding to guard your heart and mind. I'm praying that all your needs will be met..spiritually, physically, emtionally and financially. I'm praying for transplant success! Blessings to you!!
Thanks for the update, Ryan. I do hope that Andrya had a better day yesterday. I've been praying for you both. I pray that God will give you both the strength and peace you need to get through this valley in your lives. And Andrya, I cannot claim to know what you are going through, but please know that you are not alone. There are many people who are praying for you and who are here to support you. I will be following your blog. Thank you for being willing to share the story of your journey.
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